Chemo Treatment #1

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

- Orson F. Whitney

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 Douglas, Sam, Daniel

Thursday, October 10th:

I was scheduled to fly back to work today, but I couldn't do it. I didn't feel good about leaving Sam at such a difficult time. How grateful I am for understanding and supportive bosses and co-workers.

The Bishop of our "ward" (our church group) texted me today to ask if he could speak with me. I met him at our church building this evening where he told me that with all of the attention on Sam and her serious condition, he wanted to know how I was doing. I unloaded some of my fears and frustrations. I cried quite a bit.

Let me give you a bit of background information to help you understand my fears. I was days away from my 34th birthday when I married Sam. The road to the altar of marriage was long and hard for me, to put it mildly. Getting over the "culture shock" of being married was no less difficult. I booked a 10-day Asia cruise for our honeymoon which, because of said culture shock, turned out to be anything but a honeymoon. I hated it and I made things miserable for both of us. Upon our return to the States I told my mother that I wanted nothing to do with marriage. I wanted out. My wise mother printed an article about culture shock and lovingly told me to give it time. I should point out that none of my commitment or "culture shock" issues had anything to do with Sam. She has been a wonderful, faithful companion all along. I simply needed time to adjust to married life. Couples often go through a honeymoon phase for the first year or two of their marriage, and then reality sets in and they have to adjust to real life. I joke with Sam that we did things backwards. The honeymoon phase was absent from the first years of our marriage.

Children, at least in the beginning, did not help matters. After our first child (Douglas) was born I went through another lengthy period of adjustment. I so looked forward to going overseas to escape the pressures of marriage and family life. War zones were easy compared to life at home, and I never enjoyed being home for more than a few weeks at a time. Again, I cannot emphasize enough that my beautiful Sam was never at fault for any of my negative feelings.

Why do I mention this? Because we have been married for six years. It took me more than four of those years to be comfortable in my roles as husband and father. I am now excited each time I come home from a work trip. I love being a husband, and I enjoy spending time with my children (most of the time 😃).

And now this. Cancer. After all of my struggles to finally become a real husband and a real father (I'm far from perfect, mind you), I am faced with the possibility that my beloved Sam will no longer be with me six months from now?! One year from now? Five years, 10 years? But it was so hard for me to get to this point! We are supposed to grow old together.

I'm hoping for another 50 years.

When I turned 30 I felt as though I had turned 80. My knees started hurting. I began having back problems. My intestines stopped working properly. I started to go bald. I had skin cancer extracted twice. All in my 30th year of life. That was 10 years ago. I've often joked with Sam that she better enjoy her 20s, because when she turned 30 everything would go downhill. She turned 30 this year. I was joking! I meant that she might have some minor back problems from hauling children around, not a life-threatening disease.

I cannot be angry with the Lord. He has been too good to me throughout my life. Why is this happening to us? The "why" doesn't matter. It's happening. We are entering the refiner's fire. I hope and pray that I will be a better man when the fire subsides.

Bishop, thank you for reaching out, and for listening and providing valuable and comforting counsel.

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Monday, October 14th: When it rains, it pours.

Speaking of fire, baby Diana's entire rear end has been on fire for the last five days. We can't figure out what is causing the horrible rash. Teething? Formula? Something else? We're back to solely using breast milk to see if the formula is the culprit. We have tried the following creams/ointments/mixtures:

So far we have only seen success by applying one of the creams (doesn't matter which one) followed by a generous amount of corn starch to pad and dry things. Creams and ointments alone, even if they are mixed, are worthless on this rash. It would be inappropriate for me to post a photo of my baby's bottom. So, in order to illustrate the seriousness of this rash I offer you the below photo:

The baboon's face is a good example of how Diana has felt this past week.

To my knowledge, I do not suffer any negative effects from all of the years I spent in war zones, but I'm certain that I have baby-related PTSD. I wake up multiple times each night when I hear a baby crying. Sometimes it's actually Diana. Other times it's only in my head. Welcome to motherhood, Daniel. 👶

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Wednesday, October 16th

Sam had a CT scan on Monday and a bone scan on Tuesday. Sam's primary oncologist, Doctor Buys, called this evening to inform Sam that the CT scan shows a possible cancerous spot on Sam's left ovary, and the bone scan shows a possible cancerous spot in Sam's lower back, her left shoulder, and on one of the bones in Sam's rib cage. 

Those results do not change the current chemo schedule, which begins on Friday. 

Despite the recent results, Dr. Buys remains very optimistic that the treatment will be successful. While admitting that there is currently no cure for stage IV metastatic breast cancer, they now have chemo drugs that target Sam's specific type of breast cancer (HER2+). Also, last week we asked Dr. Buys if she knew anyone with Sam's type of cancer, who underwent treatment similar to the treatment Sam will receive, and if so, could we speak with that person. Dr. Buys provided Sam with the phone number of a woman who had stage IV metastatic breast cancer seven years ago. This woman's cancer had spread further than Sam's cancer, even into her liver. The woman is alive seven years later. She still receives one chemo treatment every three weeks, but she's alive!

Sam will initially receive chemo treatments every Friday for the next 12-18 weeks.

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Delta update: In my previous blog post I criticized Delta's lack of customer service for charging $200 per ticket for the family vacation we had to cancer due to Sam's cancer diagnosis. Well, I get to apologize now. My sister-in-law's mother works for Delta. She read my blog post and immediately made some phone calls. In summary, I was scammed! The "Delta representative" I spoke with in order to get the refund processed actually works for a fraudulent company. Today I spoke with a real Delta representative who informed me that because the $800 charge shows up as "FLIGHTOM Travel Agency" on my credit card, Delta cannot refund the $800 charge. Delta never charged me $800. She told me that Delta is constantly working on shutting these fake companies down. I provided all of the information I could on the incident and she filed a fraud report.

Moral of the story: If/when you call Delta, only use their 1-800-221-1212 number. I asked Siri to call Delta for me, but the number Siri gave me was linked to one of these fraudulent companies. Everything sounds official when you call, and the fake Delta representatives even know the right words to use and questions to ask. It sounds completely official! Also, be careful about Googling "Delta phone number," because these fake companies will often pay Google to put their numbers higher up in the search results. And if you receive an official Delta email, it must say Delta Air Lines (three words) in the email. The emails I exchanged with "Danny," the fake Delta rep, have "Delta Airline" written on them.

The funny thing is, I'm more upset about getting duped than I am about losing $800. I thought only old people fall for these tricks. 😀 

By the way, Delta (the real Delta) did end up processing a refund for another work trip I was supposed to take this week. Thank you, Kristen and Don, for your help. That was a fascinating lesson learned.

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Thursday, October 17th: Baby update

Baby Diana's bum is doing much better. We continue the bum cream and corn starch combination, and we have received so many breast milk donations (and offers to donate more) that Diana will not have to use formula again. If she could talk, Diana would tell the donating mothers that you are some of her breast friends in the whole wide world!

Sam and our freezer half full of breast milk. Grandma and others are storing more milk for us in their freezers.

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Friday, October 18th

 This is the view Sam refers to in the video, looking out over Salt Lake Valley.

Mobile drugs. Sam is allowed to walk around a bit while the chemo drugs flow into her body.

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Each week I'm going to try to post examples of the thoughtful things people are doing for us (in no particular order). Here is a note that was emailed out to our entire church group:

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

We hope that you have had a spiritually uplifting two weeks as we have participated in both stake and general conferences. We look forward to being with you again this Sunday.

As a reminder, this upcoming weekend is our fast weekend for October. An important part of our fasting is to remember and pray for those in our circle of loved ones who may be passing through trials. Along with others whom you may be remembering in your own or your family’s fast this weekend, we would invite you to join your prayers with ours in behalf of Sister Samantha Ogden—who will be starting an aggressive and extended series of chemotherapy treatments next week—and in behalf of her family.

We know from the scriptures that there is great power when a group of the Lord’s disciples unite their faith, prayers, and fasting, and we know that one of our ward’s hallmarks is the way that we care for one another. Please consider the elements that constitute a fast, which include going without food or drink for a time (over a 24-hour period, for those who are physically able), earnest prayer, contributing a fast offering, and attending (ideally on time…or even a few minutes early 😊 ) fast and testimony meeting.

We hope that the Ogden family—and all of the other members of our ward and neighborhood—will know of our sincere love and concern.

Gratefully,

The Ward Council

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Someone (or a group of someones) taped a large sign of support on our driveway this week. Thank you! Cool handwriting, by the way.

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Many of you have asked how you can help us in the coming months. Other than thoughts, prayers, and fasting, I have not been able to provide you with a good answer. I thought of something this week. For those of you who want to do something, but cannot cook meals, babysit, or do other things our nearby friends and family are doing, may I suggest gift cards? Although her appetite will probably change in the coming weeks, Sam currently likes the following food places:

Zupas - https://cafezupas.com

Costa Vida - https://www.costavida.com

Cafe Rio - https://www.caferio.com

Kneaders - https://www.kneaders.com

And we do most of our grocery shopping at Smith's (https://www.smithsfoodanddrug.com) and Costco (https://www.costco.com)

For those of you who, for whatever reason, are only able to offer support through prayers, loving emails and texts, fasting, etc., please know this kind of support is equally beneficial to Sam.