Chemo Treatment #11 (Merry Christmas!)

From Sam:

I Wanted Egypt

“In the world of nature, hard is part of the circle of life. It is hard for a baby chick to hatch out of that tough eggshell. But when someone tries to make it easier, the chick does not develop the strength necessary to live. In a similar way, the struggle of a butterfly to escape the cocoon strengthens it for the life it will live.

Through these examples, we see that hard is the constant! We all have challenges. The variable is our reaction to the hard.

...Regardless of the issue, hard can be good for those who will move forward with faith and trust the Lord and His plan.” (Elder Stanley G. Ellis, “Do We Trust Him? Hard is Good,” October 2017)

The two weeks after Thanksgiving were tough. In addition to the normal fatigue, diarrhea, and constipation I deal with while going through chemo, I got a sore throat and throat sores on top of that, which was a bugger! The sore throat lasted for two weeks and I did not feel well. As  if that wasn’t enough, mentally and emotionally I was losing it. (I am sure not feeling well physically contributed to my not feeling well mentally/emotionally--vicious cycle.) I was filled with grief, sadness, frustration, and anger. At one point I thought, “I want Egypt. Enough with the wilderness and growth experiences, I want Egypt.”

Some context for my thought. Remember the children of Israel? They had been in slavery for 400 years and through a series of miracles sent from God, and guided by their prophet Moses, they were freed from slavery and now wandering in the wilderness preparing to enter the promised land. Initially they were so grateful and relieved to be out of Egypt. No more slavery! But after wandering in the wilderness for a while the wilderness was losing its appeal. It was TOUGH in the wilderness. Sure, slavery wasn’t fun, but at least it was predictable and they could eat meat. The trip to the promised land was not as fast as they thought it would be and was requiring much more from them than some may have thought. Things were hard. Sanctifying themselves to inherit the promised land was rigorous business.

So, just like wandering in the wilderness was hard for the children of Israel, so is cancer (or plug in your trial). I wanted my “Egypt.” Sure, in Egypt I wasn’t making much progress, but my life was predictable. I was “in control.”  It was easy to make future plans and procrastinate because tomorrow would come and be just as predictable as today.  It should be noted that I have been praying for years for the discipline to use my time wisely, be more compassionate, and more Christ-like. Only in the “wilderness” would God be able to accelerate my progress as not much was happening in Egypt. 

After venting my frustrations, a different and more wise thought came to my mind: “You know you really don’t want Egypt. You want progress. You want the promised land. Focus on the daily miracles and you’ll be able to make it through the wilderness.”

Initially I didn’t want to focus on all the good that was happening in my wilderness. I wanted to go back to Egypt! However, as I made the effort to note the daily bread (manna if you will) that I was and have been receiving, my mind and spirit have been elevated.  I feel like I have a spring in my step again. (And the cherry on top is that my throat doesn’t hurt any more! Our bodies and spirits are so interconnected...but that is a different discussion.) So what has been my daily bread? I’ll note just a few examples:

-Daily help (childcare, cleaning, meals) from family and friends

-Peace and comfort from the Holy Ghost

-No nausea from the chemo

-Uplifting words from the scriptures (even if I only read one verse!)

-Daily prayers from my children and husband asking God to help me feel better

-Taking care of my children (While they make me tired, they are a blessing because they require that I get up and get moving which is good for me physically and mentally.)

Since receiving my cancer diagnosis and starting my treatment I have drawn closer to God. I have witnessed His goodness and mercy in my life on a daily basis. I know He is in the details of my life. I am very aware that in many ways my cancer is an answer to my prayers. Not that I prayed for cancer, but that my experience with cancer serves as a crucible to refine me and make me become the disciple of Christ I wish to become.  

The following scripture is my prayer: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.” (Moroni 7:48)

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Santa and Mrs. Claus came from the north (Cache Valley) to visit our home this week. As you can see, Douglas was thrilled to be sitting on Santa's lap. #nervoussmile

This is one of the presents Douglas received from Santa and Mrs. Claus. He loves legos.

Las Vegas strip - completed!

Penny wearing dad's shoes.

 We visited Granny and Grandpa Ogden for a couple of days earlier this week. The kids decorated gingerbread things.

 Penny

 Maxwell (my older sister's boy)

 Denali (my older sister's girl)

I told Doogles and Maxwell to give me a goofy face. They both did the same one.

Penny quickly learned the "I said it last night" excuse when she doesn't want to pray.

 Diana, Penny, and Douglas getting ready to open presents on Christmas morning.

 Diana taking toys out of her stocking.

"Yay! Something to shake!"

Douglas and Penny received some dress-up items among their Christmas gifts.

"Blessed is the womb that bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked."

- Luke 11:27

 Diana doesn't realize how many gifts she has received in the last few months. This week we received another large donation of breast milk.

A huge THANK YOU to the women who continue to donate, and to those of you coordinating the donations. Diana is a chunky, happy baby in part because of your kindness. Sam and I joke that Diana will either have the best immune system in the world due to wide variety of breast milk she has consumed, or she'll be crazy. 😁 Either way, she's happy and we are so blessed.

I like to work. I like cleaning. It's therapeutic for me. I want my children to know the value of hard work. This week I taught Douglas how to spell "work" and I've been telling him how much fun work is as we have cleaned bathrooms and performed other chores. Yesterday, the three children went to Grandma's house for a couple of days. I told Douglas to tell Grandma that he likes to W O R K. Tonight I made this video for Douglas and I sent it to Grandma's phone.

A few minutes later I received this response from Grandma's phone. 😄

Chemo Treatment #10 (Happy Birthday!)

 Sam received this stocking just before her 10th chemo treatment yesterday at the Huntsman Cancer Institute (HCI).

 We decided to have some fun trying on various wigs during the infusion.

Shaggy? (Scooby Doo)

 While we were at the HCI, Penny was back home helping Grandma make the birthday brownies.

 Today (December 21st) we celebrate birthdays for Sam and Stacie. Yesterday, most of the Coombs family came to our place for food and fun.

 Sam and Stacie

 Sam wanted fruit tarts for her birthday dessert, and Stacie wanted brownies.

Baby Diana enjoyed some of Sam's fruit tart.

Chemo Treatment #9

Chemo Treatment #8

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
- 2 Timothy 1:7

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Sunday, December 8th - from Daniel:

On Friday I had the privilege of taking Sam to a gathering of young mothers going through treatments for various types of cancer. The gathering is organized annually by Kim White (https://www.instagram.com/kimcankickit/?hl=en), a young mother with a very rare type of cancer who also happened to play soccer with Sam back in high school.

Each year a number of young mothers with cancer are nominated to take part in this gathering. Someone (or a group of someones) nominated Sam this year and she was selected to be among the 30. The meeting was full of emotion and very inspiring. Kim asked the young mothers to introduce themselves and take a few minutes to tell everyone about their types of cancer and their experiences so far. Some, like Sam, had just begun their counter-cancer battles. Others, like Kim, have been fighting for years. Each story was unique. 

At the end of the gathering each of the 30 young mothers received a sack containing items (blanket, hats, etc.) donated from various businesses, a very nice designer bag full of all kinds of gift cards and other items, and a check for $1000. The gifts were nice, but in my opinion the experience of hearing from those young mothers was priceless. I spent a good portion of the meeting chatting with Kim's husband, Treagan. It is good for the husbands and/or caretakers to talk to each other as well.

To the person (or persons) who nominated Sam, thank you for giving us this wonderful experience.

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Friday, December 6th:

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Some of the sisters in our ward (our church group) made this blanket for Sam. They wrote their favorite quotes or scriptures in between the squares.

Douglas and Penny watching Grandpa Ogden shine shoes.

"You missed a spot."

Penny likes the supine position, anytime, anywhere.

Sometimes I wish I could pack cute little Diana on my work trips.

Diana searching the fridge.

"I'll take these cucumbers."

"You caught me!"

Chemo Treatment #7

"In His Steps"

by Leona B. Gates

The road is rough

Dear Lord, I said.

There are stones that hurt me so.

And He said, dear child

I understand, I walked it long ago.

But there is a cool green path, I said.

Let me walk there for a time.

No, child, he gently answered me,

The green road does not climb.

My burden, I said, is far too great.

How can I bear it so?

My child, said He, I remember its weight.

I carried my cross, you know.

But, I said, I wish there were friends with me,

Who would make my way their own.

Ah, yes, He said, Gethsemane

Was hard to face alone.

And so I climbed the stony path,

Content at last to know

That where my Master had not gone

I would not need to go.

And strangely then I found new friends

The burden grew less sore.

As I remembered long ago

He walked this way before.

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Kate (Sam's sister) and I took the kids to the park yesterday for some fun in the snow.

Princess Penny on her throne.

 Penny, Kate, Doogles

Penny and Douglas

Baby Diana sometimes falls asleep chewing on her blanket.

Yeeeeeehaaaaw!

This is where we put them when we want peace in the house. :)

Thanksgiving meal: Diana, Daniel, Douglas, Grandma (Margaret), Grandpa (Doug), Kate, Penny, TayTay (also known as Taylor)

Douglas and I made a snowman tonight. Douglas would have stayed out late into the night, but I got cold.

Chemo Treatment #6

From Sam:

November 22nd, 2019 - Lesson Learned from Accepting Others' Service

Based on my past and current experiences, as well as conversations with others, it is obvious to me that most people would prefer to be the "giver" of service rather than the "receiver." It is hard to admit we need help and expose our vulnerabilities to others. However, as I have been going through chemotherapy I have been humbled and reminded of why it is vital that we allow others to serve us when we are in need.

• Allowing others to help gives me strength/energy to do the most important things

My automatic reaction when someone offers to help is, "Thank you, but I'm good. I've got this." It may not always come across that way, but I am sure the thought that some are thinking when I say that is, "No, you don't 'got this.' You are carrying the burden, but it is slowing you down. How much longer can you carry this before it breaks you?"

Jesus was compelled to carry His cross to Calvary's Hill. Mind you, by that point He had already suffered in Gethsemane, been up all night arraigned before Jewish leaders, questioned by Pilate and scourged, and He still was managing to carry His cross. Amazing. Despite His strength, His progress must have been too slow for the Roman soldiers tasked with crucifying Him, so they compelled Simon of Cyrene to carry the cross the rest of the way. I would like to think that Jesus felt temporary relief as that burden was removed from Him, thus allowing him to gather or preserve whatever strength He had left to endure even greater and necessary suffering--His crucifixion.

I do not suggest that my burden (past, present, or future) is comparable to the Savior's in any way. It is not. But what I learn from this account is that we need to allow others to carry our cross--give us service--so that we can preserve our strength to do the most important things and in some cases, take on even greater challenges that lie ahead.

Even though chemotherapy sucks the energy out of me and is literally forcing my body to slow down, I still want to be able to spend quality time with my husband and children. In order to have the energy I need to be present with my family, I need help. Lots of help. It hasn't been easy to ask for help with meals, child care, cleaning, running errands, home schooling Douglas, taking care of Diana at night, and so on. I like being self-sufficient. However, because I have allowed myself to be humbled and let others help, I have been the beneficiary of ministering and service at its finest. Two words describe my feelings: GRATEFUL and RELIEVED. It is a relief to pass off the burden of cooking to the neighbors who bring meals. It is a relief to know that Douglas is still progressing in his school work because my neighbor has taken that burden. It is a HUGE relief knowing that each night I will be able to sleep (I am so tired) because either a family member or neighbor is taking care of Diana at night. And the list goes on. By allowing others to help me, I am able to preserve my energy to do what's most important--spend quality time with my family and allow my body to heal.

Often, God answers our prayers through other people. I have prayed many prayers to be able to get through the chemotherapy and manage its side effects. I would be denying the Lord's help if I didn't allow others to help me. This is how He is answering my prayers.

• Allowing others to serve not only blesses me (the receiver), but also them (the givers)

"If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, ye do well." - James 2:8

"The law is royal because its application has an ennobling and dignifying effect on both parties. The care for the poor is more than a duty, far more than a Christian obligation. It is a royal opportunity to live the 'royal law' where both the giver and the receiver are sanctified by the effort."

- Robert Millet

I noted above some of the ways I have been blessed because of others' service. In addition to the aforementioned, I have also been blessed with an increase of love for, and bonds of friendship with those who have served me. It has given me the opportunity to learn more about my friends and neighbors, and some of the burdens they carry or have carried. Most often, people serve because they have experienced or felt to some degree what we are experiencing. They serve out of compassion and empathy. If I don't accept their service, I deny myself the opportunity to recognize just how similar we are, and that my suffering is not as singular or unique as I think it is. I deny myself the opportunity to make new friendships or strengthen current ones.

Accepting service blesses the giver as well. It gives them an opportunity to extend love and support, and even access the healing they need to allow them to carry their own burdens. Accepting service allows those who have made baptismal covenants with the Lord the opportunity to keep their covenant, which is "to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Mosiah 18:9)

As stated in the aforementioned quote by Robert Millet, service has a dignifying effect on both the giver and the receiver. Both are edified and sanctified by the effort.

Right now, my circumstances dictate that I receive more than I am able to give. I know that it won't always be that way. One day I will be well enough to give more than I receive. But whether I am the giver or the receiver, my hope is that I will do it with grace and gratitude--give graciously and be grateful for the opportunity to give, or receive graciously and be grateful for the help God has sent me through someone else.

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A few photos and a video:

Penny, Diana, and Douglas playing on the neighbor's fence.

Granny set up an obstacle course for Douglas and Penny.

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We are so grateful for all the love and support we have received and continue to receive. Because we have been generously blessed, we offer the following suggestions as ways you can continue to show your support to Sam. 

• Index 100 names/records on FamilySearch.org - Sam loves family history :)
• Light the World - https://www.comeuntochrist.org/light-the-world