Sunday, September 22nd, 2019
From my dear wife, Sam:
In March or April of 2017, I noticed two small lumps appear on the lower right side of my right breast. I had my OB/GYN check them when I went in for a routine prenatal visit (I was pregnant with Penny). They were small, distinctly round lumps and my doctor said they were most likely benign cysts. Those two lumps were there while I nursed Penny, and I had them checked again in June 2018 at my well-check before I got pregnant with Diana. I was still nursing Penny at that time. Those two lumps didn't feel any different from the year before and my OB/GYN again suggested they were probably benign cysts. Personally, I wasn't worried about them because it is normal for women, especially those who have been breastfeeding to have lumpy breasts, and the lumps hadn't changed. Also, I was only 29 years old, and who gets breast cancer that young?
The lumps stayed in their "normal" place while I was pregnant with Diana and I gave birth to her in March 2019. Naturally, my breasts were fuller for the first 2-3 months after I gave birth as I was exclusively nursing Diana. It was about the beginning of June when I started to notice a weird skin texturing located only on the lower half of my right breast. It wasn't a rash, but the skin looked stretched out. At first I thought that maybe it was a result of fuller breasts due to nursing. I even purchased a couple of larger bras thinking that maybe my other ones were too tight and causing the weird skin texturing. I would later find out that the texturing is called "peau d'orange," which is French for orange peel. It is thus called because the skin texturing looks like that of an orange peel. It is also a sign of inflammatory breast cancer.
When I nursed my two older kids it was normal for my right breast to be slightly larger than my left. This was still the case, however, my right breast would look and feel just like my left breast. That was not the case. I already mentioned the skin texturing, but what was also changing were the two lumps that had been present for the last two years. The two lumps now felt like one big lump. And it was very firm. The two little lumps hadn't felt so firm. However, I just thought that because I was nursing, perhaps the two lumps were now squished close together to make it feel like one big lump. If it wasn't for the "peau d'orange" I probably would not have gone in to get checked as soon as I did.
By the end of July I knew I needed to have my breast checked. Things with the right breast were not looking or feeling normal and I had the feeling that this was not because of breastfeeding. I made an appointment to get a physical, this time with a different doctor (only because she was recommended by the midwives who helped me with my home birth, and I knew she would be friendly towards the idea that I recently had a home birth. My other OB/GYN wasn't a huge fan of a home birth, but that's a different story.). I had my physical exam September 3rd. As my doctor was doing the exam I could tell she was immediately concerned. She told me that what my breast looked and felt like was not normal for a nursing breast. She told me she was going to submit an order that morning to have me get a breast ultrasound and mammogram as soon as possible. She was true to her word, and later that day I was scheduled to have a mammogram and breast ultrasound three days later on September 6th. It was then that I was told that I had breast cancer and would need to have a biopsy done the following week.
It is interesting to note that in the last two weeks I have been weaning Diana to a bottle and have reduced the amount of feedings during which I nurse her, and now I can feel that the lump/tumor is much bigger than it felt like when my breasts were fuller. I can feel the mass not only on the bottom right, but now towards the top, which I couldn't before. Crazy!! I am so grateful for the inspiration I received from the Holy Ghost to get myself checked rather than put it off. I had planned to get my physical at the end of the year in December, around my birthday. I am glad I didn't wait that long, especially considering the aggressive nature of my cancer.
Hi Family, here’s an update after my visit with a surgeon this morning. My diagnosis of invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 3, was given an added diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer. Because of this, surgery is not recommended as the first course of action, but rather neoadjuvant chemotherapy. I will need to talk with an oncologist first, but I will probably have chemo for 4-6 weeks before I will have surgery. At this point it is not a matter of if I will have surgery but when, and how extensive. Depending on what my genetic and other blood tests reveal, how well I respond to chemo, and what my PET scan shows will determine how extensive the surgery will need to be (e.g. single mastectomy, double mastectomy, number of lymph nodes removed).
There are a couple reasons for this approach. One, research has shown that for my age and for inflammatory breast cancer this approach has better outcomes than if I were to have surgery first. Also, the surgeon’s goal is to have negative margins when he completes the surgery, meaning there is not cancer found outside of where he removes the tumor. By doing chemotherapy first, the hope is to stop the spread of cancer and even shrink the size of the lymph nodes and tumor.
We didn’t get into specifics about chemotherapy, except that he would be the one to insert my port so that I can receive my chemo treatments. The oncologist will go into more detail about chemotherapy, targeted therapy, hormone therapy (if applicable), how I can keep my immune system strong, ect.
I will be meeting with a different surgeon tomorrow as well as an oncologist. I am interested to see if they recommend the same course of action (which I am assuming they will, because when they found out how old I was and that the biopsy found cancer in my lymph nodes they immediately set me up to meet an oncologist). I am actually kind of relieved that surgery will not be right away as it gives me more time to prepare my kids, as well as myself for when I will need round the clock care for a few weeks post surgery.
More info to come tomorrow! Thank you for your continued prayers, fasting, and concern on my behalf. I feel so blessed that I am not having to do this alone. 
Sam sent this email out on Friday, September 20th:
Hi Family!
I had a great visit at the Huntsman Cancer Institute yesterday and we have a game plan in place for the next 12-18 months. (Craziness!) Because I have inflammatory breast cancer, the doctors are in agreement that chemotherapy first is the best option, followed by surgery and radiation. There will be up to five chemotherapy drugs I will take, but during different intervals. All-in-all it will be about 4-5 months of chemotherapy. At this point a surgery is looking like it will happen at the soonest in February to sometime in March or April depending how I respond to the chemotherapy and how much time they give me after I finish chemotherapy to "recover". I will still most likely have to have a mastectomy, but how I respond to chemotherapy and what the results look like from my genetics test will determine if a double mastectomy is in order. But, we'll worry more about that later.
I still don't know a lot about breast cancer, but when they did the biopsy earlier, they found that my cancer is HER2+, which is an advantage because that means they have two targeted chemotherapy drugs that go after the HER2 receptors. Also, it means I would most likely benefit from hormone therapy after radiation which is a bonus as well. (Yay for silver linings!)
My first round of chemotherapy is scheduled to begin October 4th. Before then I will have a PET scan, an echocardiogram, and my port inserted. Also, I am hoping to meet with a nutritionist and acupuncturist before then as well. I also need to get some beanies, head scarves, and/or a wig because my hair will fall out after the first or second round of chemotherapy. I'll be cutting my hair short, really short, in the next few days. In the coming days I will be able to empathize with Daniel when it comes to protecting my bald head from the cold. Maybe I will be sleeping with a beanie this winter too. 
Lots to do in the next couple of weeks!
Now, on the positive and uplifting side of things, yesterday I met Chaleen Ballard the nurse practitioner who works with Dr. Saundra Buys, my oncologist. She looks like she is in her 50's and she had really short hair. She pointed out that she had just finished her chemotherapy treatments not too long ago. That made me love her more than I already did (she is extremely personable), knowing that she herself has been through what I am about to go through. After meeting with Dr. Buys (who was very thorough and fantastic), she and Chaleen got ready to leave. Then she sat back down next to me, looked at Chaleen, and said, "I am going to do this. I am going to break this out and just do it." She pulled her cellphone out of her pocket, flipped through her photos and then showed me a picture of woman in her 30's with shoulder length brown hair. Dr. Buys told me, "That will be you in six years." She went on to explain that the woman in the photo is her daughter, who was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer 6 years ago. She too had just given birth about 3-4 months prior to her diagnosis. Dr. Buys told me that things would be tough, but I would be able to come out the other side of it. I started to cry. It was relieving and inspiring to know that I can beat this cancer. It is comforting for me to know that my care providers have either experienced for themselves, or have had family experience what I will be going through.
Love,
Sam
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They say laughter is the best medicine. So . . .
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My dream is to eradicate all Cancers . . .
and then I can work on Libras.
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The doctor told me I only have two months to live due to cancer . . .
so I killed the doctor and the judge gave me 20 years.
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Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer.
"Honey," she said, "there are a couple of things I need to get off my chest."
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Thursday, September 26th, 2019
Sam got a wee bit of hair cut off to prepare the kids (and everyone else) for when ALL of the hair comes off.
Gorgeous
This, my friends, is a classy lady.
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Sam sent this email today, September 26th:
Hello!
So the good news I got today was from my genetics counselor. She called to tell me that my genetic test results were in and that I tested negative for ALL the genes tested. My blood samples were tested for 35 genes--some specifically related to breast cancer and some for other cancers. Because my results came back negative, they can't tell me why I have breast cancer, only that it wasn't because of an inherited gene. The blessing for Stacie, Taylor, Kate [Sam's sisters], and my girls is that the risk they will get breast cancer is very low. Yes, there is a risk they could get it, but only very slightly above the average for other women. So that's good news! I was hoping that my case would be a fluke case.
It was recommended that my sisters and girls start their screenings for breast cancer at the age of 25. If for some reason one of them were to get it, hopefully it would be caught soon enough that their treatment wouldn't have to be as extensive as mine.
Yay for silver linings!
Love,
Sam
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Thoughts from the husband (me): I was walking out of the post office when my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. It was Sam calling. I knew she had her mammogram and ultrasound appointments that day and I knew something was wrong, but you can't really prepare to receive the news that your wife has cancer. I was in Washington, D.C. and Sam was in Utah. I couldn't hug her. I couldn't give her a hard, bony shoulder to cry on. And what do you say over the phone to someone who just found out she has cancer?! I was shocked.
That weekend I cried more than I've cried in the last 10 years combined. I don't cry. I thought I was a hardened man, but wow, I was quickly humbled and softened by the news. Depressing, worst-case-scenario thoughts repeatedly entered my mind. "How could this happen to us?" I thought. I know cancer happens, much like I know hurricanes, mass shootings, and other tragedies happen. But it always happens in the news! It's horrible and sad, but it always happens to someone else. Quite different when it hits close to home. In the home!
I feel better now, two weeks later. Sam is amazing. She's trying to stay positive, preparing as much as she can for next Friday when she begins the long road to achieving that coveted "cancer-free" status. She has so much support. We have so much support. We have a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ, who constantly watch over and guide us, and the Holy Ghost who provides comfort. We have hundreds of wonderful family members, friends, and acquaintances who have come forward offering (nay, demanding!) to help. Do you believe in angels? I do. They are, and will be all around us providing kindness, prayers, thoughts, fasting, meals, babysitting, rides, cleaning, and other forms of support, now and in the coming months.
Let's do this!
Sam got a wee bit of hair cut off to prepare the kids (and everyone else) for when ALL of the hair comes off.
