From Sam:
I Wanted Egypt
“In the world of nature, hard is part of the circle of life. It is hard for a baby chick to hatch out of that tough eggshell. But when someone tries to make it easier, the chick does not develop the strength necessary to live. In a similar way, the struggle of a butterfly to escape the cocoon strengthens it for the life it will live.
Through these examples, we see that hard is the constant! We all have challenges. The variable is our reaction to the hard.
...Regardless of the issue, hard can be good for those who will move forward with faith and trust the Lord and His plan.” (Elder Stanley G. Ellis, “Do We Trust Him? Hard is Good,” October 2017)
The two weeks after Thanksgiving were tough. In addition to the normal fatigue, diarrhea, and constipation I deal with while going through chemo, I got a sore throat and throat sores on top of that, which was a bugger! The sore throat lasted for two weeks and I did not feel well. As if that wasn’t enough, mentally and emotionally I was losing it. (I am sure not feeling well physically contributed to my not feeling well mentally/emotionally--vicious cycle.) I was filled with grief, sadness, frustration, and anger. At one point I thought, “I want Egypt. Enough with the wilderness and growth experiences, I want Egypt.”
Some context for my thought. Remember the children of Israel? They had been in slavery for 400 years and through a series of miracles sent from God, and guided by their prophet Moses, they were freed from slavery and now wandering in the wilderness preparing to enter the promised land. Initially they were so grateful and relieved to be out of Egypt. No more slavery! But after wandering in the wilderness for a while the wilderness was losing its appeal. It was TOUGH in the wilderness. Sure, slavery wasn’t fun, but at least it was predictable and they could eat meat. The trip to the promised land was not as fast as they thought it would be and was requiring much more from them than some may have thought. Things were hard. Sanctifying themselves to inherit the promised land was rigorous business.
So, just like wandering in the wilderness was hard for the children of Israel, so is cancer (or plug in your trial). I wanted my “Egypt.” Sure, in Egypt I wasn’t making much progress, but my life was predictable. I was “in control.” It was easy to make future plans and procrastinate because tomorrow would come and be just as predictable as today. It should be noted that I have been praying for years for the discipline to use my time wisely, be more compassionate, and more Christ-like. Only in the “wilderness” would God be able to accelerate my progress as not much was happening in Egypt.
After venting my frustrations, a different and more wise thought came to my mind: “You know you really don’t want Egypt. You want progress. You want the promised land. Focus on the daily miracles and you’ll be able to make it through the wilderness.”
Initially I didn’t want to focus on all the good that was happening in my wilderness. I wanted to go back to Egypt! However, as I made the effort to note the daily bread (manna if you will) that I was and have been receiving, my mind and spirit have been elevated. I feel like I have a spring in my step again. (And the cherry on top is that my throat doesn’t hurt any more! Our bodies and spirits are so interconnected...but that is a different discussion.) So what has been my daily bread? I’ll note just a few examples:
-Daily help (childcare, cleaning, meals) from family and friends
-Peace and comfort from the Holy Ghost
-No nausea from the chemo
-Uplifting words from the scriptures (even if I only read one verse!)
-Daily prayers from my children and husband asking God to help me feel better
-Taking care of my children (While they make me tired, they are a blessing because they require that I get up and get moving which is good for me physically and mentally.)
Since receiving my cancer diagnosis and starting my treatment I have drawn closer to God. I have witnessed His goodness and mercy in my life on a daily basis. I know He is in the details of my life. I am very aware that in many ways my cancer is an answer to my prayers. Not that I prayed for cancer, but that my experience with cancer serves as a crucible to refine me and make me become the disciple of Christ I wish to become.
The following scripture is my prayer: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.” (Moroni 7:48)
Santa and Mrs. Claus came from the north (Cache Valley) to visit our home this week. As you can see, Douglas was thrilled to be sitting on Santa's lap. #nervoussmile
